Living with Chronic Pain

Practicing Forbearance

512px-Hatha_yoga_child_poseIt was too hot today to accomplish very much, including exercise or stretching. Since I’ve been having back trouble, I find that starting the day with a good dose of yoga, stretching and special exercises makes the likelihood of a relatively pain free and mobile day much more likely, although no guarantee. Consequently, today I didn’t do so well. I shuffled around, dragging one leg and did a few things, mostly trying to find a comfortable position to stand or sit in and spending the day talking about the projects we will do–someday, like pave a new terrace by the house, mulch the flowerbeds, build a deck by the pond, clean and organize the workshop, replace or beautify the shed. At one point I even dragged a measuring tape around and took down a few numbers on a very bad sketch. As a person who has always been full of ambition and energy, I’d much rather just DO the jobs than spend countless hours talking and planning. Some planning is always necessary, of course, but I’m much more inclined to jump in. I love the feeling of accomplishment.

I also wasn’t feeling inspired to blog. There just wasn’t very much in my head, beyond the heat and the jab of sharp pain in my spine.

So I thought this was a good time to talk about the NAME of my blog, i.e. Paramita. I can’t remember what I was researching a while back, something about Buddhism, and I found this definition on Wikipedia:

Paramita

Pāramitā (Pāli; Sanskrit; Devanagari: पारमिता) or pāramī (Pāli) is “perfection” or “completeness.”[1] In Buddhism, the pāramitās refer to the perfection or culmination of certain virtues. In Buddhism, these virtues are cultivated as a way of purification, purifying karma and helping the aspirant to live an unobstructed life, while reaching the goal of enlightenment.

In the Pāli canon’s Buddhavaṃsa[3] the Ten Perfections (dasa pāramiyo) are (original terms in Pāli):

1. Dāna pāramī : generosity, giving of oneself

2. Sīla pāramī : virtue, morality, proper conduct

3. Nekkhamma pāramī : renunciation

4. Paññā pāramī : transcendental wisdom, insight

5. Viriya (also spelled vīriya) pāramī : energy, diligence, vigour, effort

6. Khanti pāramī : patience, tolerance, forbearance, acceptance, endurance

7. Sacca pāramī : truthfulness, honesty

8. Adhiṭṭhāna (adhitthana) pāramī : determination, resolution

9. Mettā pāramī : loving-kindness

10. Upekkhā (also spelled upekhā) pāramī : equanimity, serenity

These seem to me to be pretty admirable goals to live by and ones that suit my current world view as I grow older. Clearly Number 5, energy and effort was not on the books. You’ll see that Number 6 is “Patience, Tolerance, Forbearance, Acceptance, Endurance.” So today I gave myself permission to work on this virtue.  It meant getting through the day without letting the frustration or anger surface. Just accepting that this was the kind of day I was going to have, and letting it be. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully a more productive one.

Do you live with chronic pain, or some other situation that requires the cultivation of forbearance? Pull up a chair and share.

Internet, Social Media,Youtube, Computer Games: Opiate of the Masses?

ARE WE RE-WIRING OUR BRAINS?

Were you online today? Did you check your email , read a favourite blog, watch a video or look at some pretty pictures on Pinterest? Did you Google a question – perhaps the price of a pup tent at Canadian Tire, how to repair the damned hot water system on your sailboat, or look up a quick (probably untested) recipe for a salad using yesterday’s leftover grilled corn on the cob? As the day waned, did you download a movie to chill with or play a little Scrabble or World of Warcraft?

Is that a stupid question? (Or a series of stupid questions. There are rather a lot of questions in this post.)

Brain_MRIThe internet has certainly changed the way we spend our time, hasn’t it? I’ve been wondering if the glut of easily accessible information and addictive entertainment available to us in today’s computer age inhibit our ability to read and think deeply? Is it changing the way we actually process information, and consequently the decisions that we make? Is it depriving us of time spent face to face with our families and friends, with other human beings in the flesh?

Yes, of course we are, in some ways, better informed than we ever were. But to what degree is the information that we swill around and regurgitate really valuable to us? The internet, whether Google or Wiki or whatever, puts the answer to any question at our fingertips. There is no lag time. We no longer have to physically go to a library, conduct any thoughtful research, skim and search for the right book or books and read copiously to find what we are looking for. We no longer have to consult with people who may have expertise or first hand experience addressing the problem we face. We barely even have to go to a store and browse to figure out what to buy.

Is the information that we so gladly grab and gulp really reliable? Or is it overly filtered by the intermediaries of advertisers, bloggers and corporate websites? Does it deprive us of both the burden but also the opportunity of gathering perhaps more information than we need and then having to filter it, synthesize it, analyze it and think deeply about it, forming our own conclusions and opinions in the process, and even stimulating our own imaginations? Did not this experience in fact help to form as well as to inform us as intelligent and discerning human beings?

What skills and abilities will the current generations, growing up with no other way of being, be lacking? Should we be worried? The answer appears to be: HELL YES!

BEWARE OF MONKEYMIND

Have a look at this interesting blog post by David Rainoshek, which, though it focusses on FaceBook, discusses at length the addictive impact of the internet in general on our brain chemistry and structure, and our well being. It rich with references, links and even a Ted Talk. It also references Nicholas Carr’s book The Shallows, in which…

“… he argues that the internet’s ‘cacophony of stimuli’ and ‘crazy quilt’ of information have given rise to ‘cursory reading, hurried and distracted thinking, and superficial learning’ – in contrast to the age of the book, when intelligent humans were encouraged to be contemplative and imaginative.”

And as for entertainment, I wonder, completely aside from the impact of the prevalence of gratuitous and ubiquitous digital violence in many video games these days, if playing with computers, mostly by ourselves, even if we sometimes play with virtual versions of our friends online, or with a multitude of strangers, deprives us of something essential. And don’t even get me started on mindless Reality Television, which it seems to me is a glorified excuse to intrude into the private lives of pathetic strangers and to glibly judge and criticize and ridicule them.

512px-Family_playing_a_board_game_(2)It used to be, not so very long ago, that people sat around the kitchen table, and along with the game board, the cards, the playing pieces and score sheets, spread out drinks and snacks,  might have listened to music. In between turns, we might have conversed on all manner of topics, exchanged jokes and stories. As well as entertainment, we used games as a medium to get to know people better, and as a way to educate and train our children in the social arts. Playing games was an excuse to have friends over, and having friends over was an excuse to play the games we loved.

“…HUNDREDS OR THOUSANDS OF THINGS JUST FLYING THROUGH YOUR CRANIUM IN A HEAP”

Now I fear that our children are growing up without the advantages that these slower, more social modes of interaction and learning provided. We can’t possibly know what this will mean for them in the future, or how these changes are affecting our world on so many levels. But the research certainly suggests that it ain’t good. And worst of all, while the majority of people spend more and more time tethered to their computers for one reason or another, I have to wonder what the governments and power brokers of the world are doing behind our backs? It seems to me they could do pretty much whatever they wanted and no one would even notice, until it was too late.

One of the most delightful and rewarding experiences of my summer so far has been spending time in a small, rural community. In fact an island, where community life is still alive and well, and being outside in nature doesn’t require a decision, a negotiation or a car ride. There have been community meals, live performances by local and visiting musicians, a readers and writers festival with recitations and readings of both world class and local poetry and prose,  and even beer tastings. A bike ride down a quiet country road, overlooking pastoral views of farmland and the sea, swims in small lakes, weekly visits to community and farm markets and satisfying yard and garden projects that rival any expensive holiday abroad.

512px-Villach_Voelkendorf_Sankt_Johanner_Hoehenstrasse_Mussestunde_unter_der_Linde_05112008_43My advice: Take a break from the computer this summer if you can. Pull out the old-fashioned board games and a deck of cards and gather ’round the kitchen table. Take a stroll to the local library and spend some time just browsing in the stacks. FInd a paper book and read it in a lawn chair. Start a conversation with your next door neighbour over the back fence. Look around your own neighbourhood or community and discover what other people are doing, and engage face to face. You never know what might happen. You might have an original idea, and feel really happy to be alive.

And as if I haven’t asked enough questions already, what do you think about all this? Do you think you’re addicted to the internet? Do you think it’s hurting us and our children? What are you doing about it?

Finding Inspiration and Motivation with Other Writers

DENMAN ISLAND READERS AND WRITERS FESTIVAL

It’s been a year since I’ve attended a writers festival, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go to this one either. I thought perhaps I’d been to too many, and they’d lost their sparkle.

But once I decided to, I quickly caught the fever, and have enjoyed once again plunging in amongst other afficionados of the written word. There really is nothing quite as stimulating as being around a bunch of people who share the crazy love one has for something – in my case books and the written word.

Sometimes, to tell the truth, I find other writers’ success stories a bit discouraging, and that’s true whether they found instant fame and fortune (depressing because this is not me) or whether they slogged away for over a decade before finally publishing their first book (depressing because this is perhaps me, at best).

But in the end I’m drawn into the readings and questions and answers, the writing craft workshops, which I never tire of, and those wonderful, electric, galvanizing moments when I meet another writer and get to indulge in intricate, detailed discussions about anything from research to dialect to story structure to editors to publishing.

FINDING MY TRIBE

photoThere’s a kind of passionate connection that ultimately reinforces my belief that when amongst writers, I truly have found my tribe. And that’s validating no matter where you are along the road to publication. Those that have achieved a little or a lot of success usually display a charming deer-in-the-headlights kind of astonishment, and I recognize the sense of disbelief that anyone might want to read what I have created, never mind thousands of people. And this brings them all back down to the level of the simple, human writer, struggling to find the words, to keep sitting down at the keyboard and squeezing out that vision, trying to express ideas and feelings and satisfy that vague, mysterious, powerful urge to share and connect and create and weave stories that will engage and move readers.

Have you found your tribe? Amongst what kind of people do you feel most at home? What topics get you so excited you’re vibrating, and make time with others fly by unmeasured. Is it sharing recipes? Raising or teaching children? Gardening? Is it vintage cars or Scalentrix race tracks? Is it boats? Trains? Star Wars? Vampires or fairies? What’s your passion? Tell me about it.

Social Media for the Meek: This is not a Party

2978305256_6041f65aa6BLOGGING IS HARD

I’ve been trying to transition from an occasional and erratic blogger into a regular blogger for some time now, and toward that end have read books and taken classes, such as Kristen Lamb‘s Are You There Blog It’s Me Writer, an her  WANA Tribe blogging class, and most recently, moved to a new domain name and server here at www.maryannclarkescott.com, but the actual act of blogging regularly has yet to manifest. Not for lack of trying. I sort of have a plan.

But last night I had an epiphany about why it’s not happening, and I realize it’s because when I contemplate regular blogging, I experience a monumental anxiety attack akin to that one might feel as one steps up to a podium in a large auditorium filled with 2000 people, all eyes trained on me, waiting expectantly for my insightful and brilliant words. GAK!

Or, and this is even more telling, the way I feel just before I go to a large party. Or even before that, standing in my undies in front of my closet at home deciding what to wear to said party. (I’m obviously  not the first person to draw this analogy. See Nathan Bransford here.) What! you might be thinking. What’s up with that?

Lautrec_ball_at_the_moulin_de_la_galette_1889

I DON’T DO WELL AT PARTIES

Well… I don’t like parties, not big ones anyway. I like planning them and throwing them. I just don’t like being at them. I’ve never liked being with large groups of people. I become the epitomy of the nerdy wallflower. I’m painfully shy and socially awkward. I forget to introduce myself or others, and even forget the names of people I know well. I feel terribly self-conscious, gravitate to the buffet and overeat, gravitate to the bar and drink too much. Once I have a couple of drinks, then I loosen up and overcompensate. I talk too much, say stupid things and put my foot in my mouth, inadvertently saying all the wrong things, or failing in the social niceties. This immfediately leads to guilt and self-loathing. And who needs that? I don’t care for dancing. I find most conversations at parties are inane and I desperately want to escape. The boredom overtakes my self-consciousness and I become surly, dreaming of the easy chair and good book that await me at home.

Gosh this makes me sound like a nasty ogre. Even an anti-social one. But put me with a group of 2 or 5 or 8 and I’m completely different. I enjoy people, and I enjoy myself. I listen well, am interested in people and what they are doing and have to say. I relax and tell funny stories, sometimes even attempt lame jokes. I like to feed people and take care of them and entertain them. And I especially like to share ideas. Introverts are not necessarily loners, as I’m sure many will attest.

314px-Fröhliche_Gesellschaft_c1850

DROP BY FOR A GLASS OF LEMONADE

And yet I’ve learned that of all the various social medium, the blogosphere is the place where I feel the most comfortable, and I’d like to have a place here to call home. Clearly, the solution is that MY BLOG will not be a big party. Instead, this will be my metaphorical kitchen table, my sundeck, my garden, my neighbourhood coffee shop. A place where my good friends come by for a glass of lemonade or a cup of tea and chew the fat awhile. On good days we can share triumphs and accomplishments, tell funny stories and share dreams. On bad days we can complain of our aches and pains or gripe about the difficult people in our lives, confide our worries, disappointments and frustrations. But good or bad, we can find community with people like ourselves, and share our life experience,  our wisdom and our expertise.

I hope you’ll decide this is a good place to drop in one in awhile, and that when you come you’ll find interesting like-minded people, and topics being discussed,  a sympathetic ear, or even a shoulder to cry on. I’m also hoping this new paradigm will make it a more comfortable place for me to hang out, too.

Tell me what you think? Is social media more like a big party or an intimate discussion between acquaintances? Do you think different platforms (FB, Twitter, Blogs, etc.) are more like one or the other? And do you have the same problems I do or do you think I’m nuts?