Recently I occasioned to re-examine a blog post that I’d bookmarked some time ago, two actually. The first, by Kat Latham, and a second, in a guest blog post by Sara Megibow. Both make enlightened and persuasive arguments against detractors of romance fiction, in response to the typical negative feedback fans universally face, making the point that there is nothing inherently “anti-feminist” about romance fiction. Especially the modern variety. Both are worth a read, or a re-read if you’re familiar with them.
Kat makes the valid point that: “Throughout a novel, a heroine’s character arc often involves her struggling with the expectations society has for her as a woman, and it can be heartening to see how others (authors, not characters) confront the issues I face.”
Sara raised these points in rebuttal to those who compare romance to pornography for women:
“I maintain that healthy sex is an important women’s issue. Raising our daughters to have a thorough, healthy, self confident, realistic and safe understanding of their sexuality is important (incidentally, raising ourselves to be healthy sexual adult women is also important and…difficult).
Addressing the way-too-prevalent scars caused by rape, incest and other molestation is an important women’s issue. And having a mouth-watering sexual relationship with one’s husband or partner should be an important women’s issue too. Sexual fulfillment is a part of sexual health, yes? There’s nothing about sex that isn’t political and our brave and luminous authors are tackling these very issues right under the noses of potential readers who would snub them for it?”
BEYOND FITZWILLIAM D’ARCY
I agreed with both Sara’s and Kat’s posts and with most of the commenters, but it was a particular comment by “A. Lady” that prompted me to type a reply. “A Lady” says:
“I agree that the genre has improved in its gender politics, but a couple of things still grate on me. One is that even though the hero doesn’t have to have a personality disorder or be a rapist to be well-matched with the heroine, I do think there is still a preponderance (in historical fiction) [MACS NOTE: not exclusively] of members of the aristocracy or bringands/priates [sic]/warriors of some desccription [sic], which tends to re-inforce the stereotype that the hero needs to be socio-economically well-off or physically active and “tough” in order to be attractive. This is obviously not without exception, but when did you last read a historical romance where the hero was a clergyman with a fairly middle-of-the-road income who likes reading? Emphasising income or physical attractiveness is okay (hey, Jane Austen did it), but it does seem to indicate that there are no other models of masculinity or male attractiveness.”
MODELS OF MASCULINITY
While I’m as guilty of the next girl of swooning over the stoic and socially awkward Mr. Darcy, I have to say that all the feminine stereotypes aside, I think this is one thing romance fiction needs to seriously examine. Fantasies are well and good and serve their purpose, but where contemporary (I mean modern, as opposed to the sub-genre) romance fiction has come a long way toward addressing modern women, their shifting place in society, and issues of real relevance to women today, it pretty much ignores the impact these changes have had on our everyday heroes.
Here’s my comment to Kat Latham’s post:
“This is a great post and I’ve enjoyed the comments/discussion and agreed with all of it. I do want to pipe up here to say that A.Lady’s point about stereotypical heroes is extremely valid and the most important one so far. While heroines have changed a great deal and for the most part kept up with changes in society and mores, heroes definitely have not. I do think they have become more psychologically complex, and in that sense have improved. On the other hand, why can’t we read romance fiction with heroes who are not alpha-types? Is this really all romance readers want or will tolerate? Or are publishers for the most part afraid to deviate from this standard?
TRAPPED IN SOCIAL STEREOTYPES
I try in my own novels to make sure that while the heroes have some traditionally attractive qualities, they are either “fringe” alpha or not alpha at all – exploring characters that are introverted, intellectual, spiritual, insecure or even socially awkward geeks, for example. (Could this be why I’m not published yet, I wonder?) These are more relevant to today’s society, both for women readers and for potential male readers who perhaps can’t relate to romance novels because they CAN’T SEE THEMSELVES ON THE PAGE. Perhaps some of the vocal critics of the genre secretly resent the fact that so many women’s fantasies focus on rare or unrealistic stereotypes for men – ones they themselves don’t meet.
I would also point out that in some ways the world has changed more for women than for men. They are still trapped in their own social stereotypes, with all the attendant expectations to BE alpha, be providers and protectors, keep their weaknesses and feelings closed up, and dealing with that. Unfortunately for men, they don’t have the same dialogue and peer support that women do as they work these things out and renegotiate or even DEMAND that society accept these other, less stereo-typical attributes. Some of their worst detractors are other men, and it’s extremely difficult for men to go against the expectations and limitations of their own “group.” (As an aside I’ll take this opportunity to plug one of my favourite TED Talks.) It take courage to deviate from these expectations, and stereotypes in romance fiction do none of us any favours. We need to give men permission to NOT be alpha, and send that message out to society that they are still valuable and attractive. ALL characters are more attractive if they are strong and self-sufficient and have spunk. They are also more attractive if they are sensitive, caring, expressive of their true feelings and well-groomed. DUH. But we don’t have to distort reality or exclude real human beings in order to satisfy our craving for love stories with happy endings.
REAL MEN VERSUS ROMANCE HEROES
And, in that way I have of unintentionally casting a net and catching all manner of flotsam in it, and afterwards remarking that there appears to be a pattern, I also dog-eared an article from the July 2012 issue of RWR (Romance Writers Report, issued to the organization’s members) by Betsey Prioleau entitled, “Talking the Lady into Love” Tips from Nonfiction.”
“To listen seductively isn’t as simple as it sounds. A man must be all in, mentally and emotionally engaged, and attuned to subtexts and unvoiced feelings.”
This article was meant to provide romance writers with information to help them “amp up a hero’s allure” by providing some hints about the types of language and behavior that succeed in making a heroine think about love (and lust); it also points to some interesting contrasts between real men and romantic heroes.
Without repeating the entire article, for those who are unable to access it for themselves, I’ll summarize the key points. Prioleau argues that a man’s attributes or skills that are most able to seduce a woman include the following:
Men who are engaged and active LISTENERS
Soothing SWEET TALK
Amusing: DROLL, SILLY, ZANY, WITTY banter to make her laugh and relax
ENTERTAIN & INFORM, intelligence, engaging STORYTELLING, witty banter, big ideas
LYRIC: poetry, rhyme, rhythm, music of the soul, mesh of sound and sense (the romance of the singer/songwriter/poet)
Nothing about social status, titles, income, sports cars or biceps.
This list could be looked upon as yet another list of stereotypical attributes which most modern men would fail to measure up to. Certainly many of the men I know would not score so well on these parameters. That was my first reaction to it. But upon further thought, perhaps, if men MUST change to adapt to a new, feminized society, and to establish and strengthen their relationships with women, these are the characteristics that they should augment. We cannot ask modern men to be dukes, Scottish lairds or bucaneers, but maybe we could ask them to cultivate more of these attributes. At least the playing field would be relatively level, and who can complain about that?
“The brain can be the sexiest part of the male anatomy – if the man knows how to spin his smarts and stories with conversational charm.”
And, because why make something simple and short if you can make it convoluted and complex, I have one more piece to this post. Today, a fellow named Jeff has been working on a new patio here at the house, and, like many residents of this island, he is multi-talented. During a brief respite from his heavy excavation work, as he often does, he pulled out his acoustic guitar and sang a few old Dylan and Beatles tunes, belting out the lyrics across the landscape. The number that struck a chord with me today was, “Girl” by John Lennon. Curious, I searched up the lyrics of the song:
Girl, by John Lennon
Is there anybody going to listen to my story
All about the girl who came to stay?
She’s the kind of girl you want so much
It makes you sorry
Still you don’t regret a single day.
Ah girl
Girl
When I think of all the times I’ve tried so hard to leave her
She will turn to me and start to cry;
And she promises the earth to me
And I believe her
After all this time I don’t know why
Ah girl
Girl
She’s the kind of girl who puts you down
When friends are there, you feel a fool.
When you say she’s looking good
She acts as if it’s understood.
She’s cool, ooh, ooh, ooh,
Girl
Girl
Was she told when she was young that pain
Would lead to pleasure?
Did she understand it when they said
That a man must break his back to earn
His day of leisure?
Will she still believe it when he’s dead?
Ah girl
Girl
Curiously, I found the following comment from “Soma” attached to the post, only the most eloquent of the bunch, but telling, I felt. Are there voices we are not hearing because it is “political incorrect” to express these, perfectly valid, feelings?
“Was she told when she was young that pain would lead to pleasure? Did she understand it when they said that a man must break his back to earn his day of leisure? Will she still believe it when he’s dead?
To me this is the most profound line John ever wrote. I hear people saying all the time that “it’s a guy’s job” to do this or that, especially to earn all the money, and subtly or not so subtly people are telling girls that if a guy isn’t constantly breaking his back for her temporal well being then he’s not worth being kind to. Then some girls grow up thinking they just have to act sweet when things get rocky and they’ll prolong a relationship where the guy gives her his all. %45 of suicides are by unemployed men between 35-50 (about %2 of the population) because people don’t put any worth on them and then proceed to blame them for it. And there are many more deaths from men having stress related health issues because they’re too scared to take the “easy way” out. To me, this isn’t just John’s story, this is a story of gender bias that’s politically incorrect to address.”
Well. Food for thought. What do you think? Do you agree that stereotypes of attractive masculinity as portrayed in romance fiction are harmful, outdated and discriminatory? Do you think they work against the ideals of feminism? Do you think these images of manhood contribute to the discrimination that romance fiction faces in broader society?
In closing, here’s John Lennon and the Beatles, singing Girl.
In a recent blogpost, I was celebrating the joys of staying close to home, and enjoying the simple pleasures to be found in a small, rural island community, where:
“There have been community meals, live performances by local and visiting musicians, a readers and writers festival with recitations and readings of both world class and local poetry and prose, and even beer tastings. A bike ride down a quiet country road, overlooking pastoral views of farmland and the sea, swims in small lakes, weekly visits to community and farm markets and satisfying yard and garden projects that rival any expensive holiday abroad.”
Which of course got me reminiscing about the last time we went to Europe. Just about this time last year, our family was returning from a spectacular two and half week holiday in Tuscany, Italy. Just for fun, here’s a recap of the highlights of our trip. Hang on for an armchair tour!
FOND MEMORIES
We were fortunate to have a tiny apartment in the village of Iano to use as our home base in Tuscany. From there we were able to take day trips to see a wide variety of wonderful Tuscan cities.
A RICH TAPESTRY TO EXPLORE
This is truly one of the things about Europe that I love the best – the way the landscape forms a rich tapestry filled with a hundred thousand cities, towns and villages, each with its own fabulous history and unique treasures. We even made a marathon commute to Rome just for one day. Then near the end we drove north to Bologna, from which we explored both Ravenna and Venice before flying home.
PISA
One of our first excursions was to Pisa, only a hour’s drive away. Despite the major heat wave Europe suffered last year, did climb the leaning tower. It was very hot, over 40. We were near cardiac arrest, dripping with sweat. The view from the top of the tower was pleasant. However, we couldn’t linger there. We had to come back down in search of cold water and air conditioning quite quickly. We didn’t have much stamina to explore beyond the Basilica, Bapistry, Tower, etc.
LUCCA
The architects in us were drawn to the town of Lucca after reading that it was home to a perfectly elliptical piazza, which it turned out was nice (better on paper) but no big deal, framed as it was by rather shabby, nondescript buildings. The town itself was charming, however, and after strolling the pedestrian zones, eating a lovely dinner at a family restaurant, on our way out of the city we were delightfully surprised by a marching pipe and drum band dressed in Renaissance costume, followed by a leisurely stroll around the ancient walls.
SIENNA
A stately and history-rich city, Sienna boasts many fine buildings and piazza. Il Campo, the huge piazza dominated by the civic building, Palazzo Publico, was already being set up with the tufa track and bleachers in anticipation of the July 3rd Palio. The Palio is a historic horse race between ten of the 17 local districts who compete for prominence, as they have done since the middle ages. The horses are specially bred and trained and pampered for the big day, which locals anticipate all year. Thousands of spectators file in early in the morning, and the city and square are profusely decorated with banners and flags.
A highlight of the Sienna cathedral was the Picolomini Library showcasing several gorgeous illuminated manuscripts and antiphonium from the middle ages, the detailed flooring with red, white and black marble inlaid and carved, and the striking black and white banded marble walls and columns both inside and out.
SAN GIMIGNIANO
One of our favourite towns, San Gimigniano, is a complex city with tiny walkways through it, and so many shops they are uncountable! In addition to the many towers that were built during the Renaissance (13 surviving!), San Gimigniano has several different museums. One of our favourites was the Museo 1300. This wonderful find is a ceramic scale reconstruction of the town of San Gimignano exactly as it was in the year 1300, the year Dante Aligieri visited and spoke to the governors. It is constructed of ceramic by a group of artisans who have conducted and compiled exacting research.
FLORENCE
Nearby Florence required two visits, and still there was so much we didn’t have time to see. We did tour the Uffizi Gallery which contains many, many beautiful sculptures and painting from throughout the ages, from Ancient Roman to Medieval to Renaissance, which were initially collected by the famed Medici family. It’s a stunning collection of valuable art. Perhaps the extraordinary heat made me over sensitive, but I was shocked that the museum was not air conditioned. I worried about the proper preservation of all those Medieval triptyches and Renaissance paintings. But I suppose they know what they’re doing.
VOLTERRA
Volterra was an unexpected find during a back country drive one day. It’s another lovely small town perched on a hilltop, with origins dating back to the Etruscans and Romans. One of the things we loved best about Volterra was the sense of its being a very much alive and current community, despite the ample evidence of tourism.
Ambulance attendants sat around on folding chairs, shopkeepers stood outside chatting with passers-by. Every street was populated with locals, many of them elderly, standing around and visiting with their neighbours. We had to laugh when two very elderly Italian gentlemen approached each other and attempted to greet with a `high five`. They lifted their arthritic hands and revved up several feet apart, and then shuffled at full speed towards each other, in obvious trepidation at being knocked on their keesters, laughing the entire time. Before leaving, we had to sample the local gelato.
IANO
Back in Iano, where we spent our down days relaxing, there was something special to look forward to, as a hand drawn poster in the central piazza had announced a live concert one night. In anticipation we reserved dinner at the adjacent restaurant, whose food we quite enjoyed.
The band arrived early and started to set up their sound system hours before, and someone set up rows of chairs, so many we wondered where everyone was supposed to come from. That’s the funny thing about these tiny rural communities in Europe. You feel like you’re in the boon docks, but in fact you’re in the midst of a rich cultural community. People move around from town to town, and stuff is going on all over the place. As the hour approached, people appeared to come out of the woodwork and fill the seats. We lingered over our dolci and espresso as the concert began.
There were four women and five men, with two guitars, a percussionist who seemed to be banging on an apple crate, but was also a decent ‘harmonicist’. Although it was clear they were a group of aspiring amateurs, every one of them had a phenomenal voice, and they launched into a two hour concert including songs ranging from old 60′s favourites, through blues to traditional Italian folk. Their harmonics were excellent, and the solos quite exceptional. Of course they didn’t leave out everyone’s favourite number by Andrea Boccelli.
Some days later, the night before we left Iano, we wanted a special meal so we went on a tiny adventure. We discovered a little convent past San Vivaldo that served the best food we have had in Italy yet. We were the last customers to leave, and sat in a quiet, monastic courtyard enjoying our deserts as the dusk gathered around us.
ROME
As mentioned above, we made a crazy one day trek to Rome, requiring an early start, and a fast commuter train south. It was even hotter there. After a parched tour of the Coliseum and the Roman Forum we walked to the Pantheon. This remains in my opinion, the most beautiful space in the world. We learned that Michelangelo Buonarotti (Il Divino) said of it, that it was created by the angels themselves. We also managed to visit the Trevi fountain and Piazza Navona and have a quiet dinner before riding home again. It was quite the whirlwind day trip.
RAVENNA
Byzantine churches, being rather old (c. 500 AD) are nothing much to look at from the exterior. They are constructed of rustic flat bricks, the windows are small and plain, and there is no adornment whatsoever. Upon entering though, it was clear whyI had dragged the family here. Everyone was duly impressed by the spectacular mosaics on walls, arches and domes, as well as the lovingly, devotely rendered stone capitals and gorgeously book-ended marble panelling.
It was interesting to see how focussed the early Christians were on devotion, and how little on ostentation, like the later western Christians. After the great schism in the Catholic church around 400 AD, Ravenna became the capital of the Eastern Holy Roman Empire for quite a while, before it moved to Constantinople.
VENICE
After the Uffizi and the churches of Ravenna, we had no interest in standing in any more lines, or seeing anymore Medieval paintings or Renaissance sculpture, but really Venice is more about being outside, enjoying the canals and the simple but charming architecture that lines them, and sometimes spans them. What I can tell you is that in fact we were all very impressed with Venice, and despite the heat of Piazza San Marco, we were able to escape into narrow shady lanes cooled by canal breezes, and we wandered around, sometimes fighting summer tourist crowds to join them in window shopping, other times escaping the crowds to explore quieter zones
And there you have it, a tour of Tuscany in a nutshell. And now I have had my summer at home, and a little taste of Europe as well. What did you do this summer? Stay at home or travel somewhere exotic? Do you have a special place somewhere in the world where you dream of traveling? And when traveling do you prefer to visit one large city, or like me, do you like to have a small town base and make excursions?
Long ago, when I was just a child, I desperately wanted to learn to play the piano. But because we didn’t have one, and couldn’t afford one, and somehow nobody in my family had the imagination to arrange for practice time in a church basement, I was offered a consolation prize. Accordion lessons from the teenager who lived a couple of doors down. I was not overly thrilled. Back then, in my part of the world, accordion music epitomized old bald Ukrainian guys at three-day drunken weddings, German oom-pah bands playing polkas, and other things that were not cool in 1970. However, I agreed to give it a try (not as though I was given any alternatives). And I was good, really I was. But the humiliation was just too great to bear, and I couldn’t relate to the music, so I soon gave it up.
Ironically, many years later, an older cousin’s husband passed away and bequeathed to me a beautiful old Italian accordion that had been in his family forever. Although it needs a part or two and a tune up, I still have it. (Seriously, what would you do?) It was also in my mid-20’s when I was at university that I was introduced by a roomy to the music of Stefan Grapelli and Django Reinhardt, and I’ve adored every kind of French cafe music ever since.
REBIRTH OF THE ACCORDION
Thursday night we went to see the Sostenuto Duo, made up of Anna Lumiere on piano/accordion and Serena Eades on violin at the Denman Island Front Hall, in an intimate piano lounge setting.
They played a range of music from traditional French Bal-Musette to Brazilian Tango to Jazz to Morrocan music to several songs that they had written themselves. It was a great evening of music provided by two very talented young women.
My favourite songs were the ones with the accordion.
Here is a definition of Bal-Musette for those who, like me, didn’t know the term. Though I’m sure you’ll recognize the music when you hear it. Here is the sexy Alexandra Paris in her sparkly black lycra cat suit playing a medley of traditional Bal-musette music on her shiny white accordion. I love it. Just think, this could have been me!
Here is a link to one of my favourite mid-century French cafe singers, George Brassens, singing one of his most popular songs, a tribute to the Auvergnat (see Wiki definition above):
And here is a Youtube video of Brazilian composer Astor Piazzola playing Libertango, and you’ll see YoYo Ma there jammin’ with him.
Who knew accordion music was so cool? Certainly not me, though one could have wished that the serendipitous appearance in my life of accordion lessons might have also coincided with a cultural context more favourable to my sustained interest. But, though I suppose the option is still open to me, it’s a little late now. So tell me, did you learn to play an instrument when you were a kid, hate it and give it up? Do you wish you hadn’t? Or if you play now, are you glad? And has your taste in music changed over the years?
