Virtues

by

Mental Illness: Coming to a Family Near You

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

Silver Linings Playbook poster

Last year when I took The Ring Screenwriting workshop, we were asked to view the newly released Silver Linings Playbook and come prepared to dissect and discuss it in class. I loved the movie. It was incredibly well written and directed, with a first class ensemble cast, as subsequent awards proved. But what I took away from it was something more. Something personal. And that is the way the film delves into the impact of mental illness on ordinary families in the ordinary world. I’m not talking about stalkers and serial killers (Basic Instinct, Silence of the Lambs), or eccentric heroic geniuses (Batman, Ironman anyone?). As much as we are fascinated by the extraordinary in society, I think the ordinary is just as engrossing.

MENTAL ILLNESS IS NORMAL

Mental Illness is not only normal, it’s far more widespread than we might like to admit. Think about it. Between Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety Disorders that include Eating Disorders, Phobias and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Autism, Addictions, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – and the many nuances and variations I haven’t mentioned – that’s a pretty big chunk of society, isn’t it? And a large proportion of that is undiagnosed. Just like Pat, the protagonist in Silver Linings Playbook, he “white-knucked it” on his own most of his life, until something happened, some extraordinarily stressful event triggered a breakdown. He snapped, and all hell broke loose.

I love these two scenes for illustrating just that point. Here is Pat’s BF Ronnie talking about how the stresses of life feel to him, and how he deals with it.It makes you wonder who’s the crazy one.(WARNING: These clips contain a bit of vulgar language.)

The Pressure

It’s My Therapy

In a SAG interview with screenwriter/director David O. Russell he talks about his son, and how this story appealed to him as a way of integrating and normalizing mental illness for his son. He doesn’t give any details of his son’s condition, but I can only assume that Russell is pretty sensitive to what it’s like to try to live a normal life, and to help a loved one lead a normal life, under these challenging circumstances. He specifically refers to how the main characters’ illness affects all the people around them.

AT WHAT COST?

How many families are impacted by mental health issues? Is yours? Mine is. Do you ever wonder what it’s like to experience dealing with alcoholism, depression, OCD and Bi-Polar disorder, on top of the normal challenges and stresses of life? Or do you already know. I’ve seen what any of those things can do to the family members who’s lives are affected. The spouses, the children, the parents. It sucks a lot of energy. It can bring you down.  It can derail a career or a marriage. It puts enourmous strain on relationships. It can spoil the holidays and make everyone afraid to speak, for fear of saying the wrong thing, of setting someone off, of doing harm. And so we hold it in. And it’s easy for the damage to spread. For family members to become enablers.

And when I saw the movie, this is what I thought about. Not only about the impact mental illness has on the lives of the people who suffer from one condition or another, but of the ripples of disruption that spread outward from the patient to their families, friends, coworkers and community. Pretty soon you see it’s an intricately woven blanket that spreads over us all. And often it’s not diagnosed at all, is poorly understood and  not supported.

One of my favourite scenes from the movie, not the diner scene with Jennifer Lawrence that you most often see, or any of the scenes which depict the two protagonists, the two “mental health” patients interacting with each other, but instead the interaction between the two brothers, Pat and Jake.

This was one of my favourite scenes in the film, because it shows so beautifully how the family of Pat is affected by his illness. Watch to see how they are all on tenterhooks during the exchange. It’s beautifully portrayed. It’s a testament to Pat’s recovery that Jake’s anxiety and general weirdness doesn’t push any of his buttons, and he rises above it.

I Got Nothin But Love For You Brother

Leave a comment and tell me, if you’ve seen the movie, which was your favourite scene and why? Can you relate to any of the characters in Silver Linings Playbook?

by

Half-Blood Blues: Book Review

AUTHOR ESI EDUGYAN

8229913

Earlier this month I had the pleasure of meeting Esi Edugyan, the author of Scotiabank Giller Prize winning Half-Blood Blues at the Denman Island Readers and Writers Festival, and to hear her read excerpts from her latest novel. At that time I had only just begun reading it, and as of last night, I am done. When we spoke, I asked her about the used of dialect in her book, which is populated by a mix of jazz musicians hailing from Baltimore, Chicago, New Orleans, Montreal, Germany and France. The use of the Baltimore”black” vernacular of narrator and protagonist Sidney Griffiths, in particular, as well as his motley crew of compatriots, is important because it contributes greatly to both the development of character, as well as to distinguish between one and another, and also plays a critical role in painting the mood and experience of that time and place: World War II Berlin and Paris. Several of the books reviewers, and several of the commenters at the conference, referred to the rhythm and tone of the language, and how it animated the story and lent it the musicality and feeling of the jazz music of the era. While I don’t disagree with this, and I very much enjoyed the language of the novel, this was not my main focus.

USE OF DIALECT IN FICTION

photo

Click to learn more

As a writer, I was principally interested in how she had researched the dialects she used, and how, as a writer she had decided how much, and which elements, of vocabulary and syntax she decided to use and which to leave out. This is what I asked her about. She answered that she had sourced and listened to recordings of spoken word by contemporary jazz musicians, including Louis Armstrong who is a minor character featured in this novel. She also said she had to use a lot of discretion to find the right balance between illuminating character and culture, and keeping the language clear enough to not alienate or confuse readers.

I dealt extensively with this problem in one of my own books (The Aviary) which features a Canadian woman in Yorkshire, who is surrounded by characters who all have an accent of one kind or another (to her ear), and finds herself quite challenged by the famously difficult Yorkshire dialect. I have received a fair bit of feedback from editors and beta readers about this at various stages, and made many changes to try to find the right balance.

Esi agreed, stating that she believes it was the extensive use of dialect that initially made the novel difficult to sell, and she did make changes accordingly in response to her editor’s feedback. Certainly there are many examples of excellent novels that use dialect to varying degrees. I find it hard to believe that so many readers find it so impenetrable as to limit an author’s creative freedom (unless you happen to be Peter Carey, but even he gets flack, apparently). The sound of language is so important to one’s experience of a story, I would think those in the business, and those who love to immerse themselves in a good story, would be more flexible and tolerant, and willing to do that tiny bit of extra work that it takes to become familiar enough to overcome any initial challenges. But apparently not. Or not often enough for publishers to take the risk.

CHARACTER, EGO, AMBITION, FRIENDSHIP AND VALUES

As a reader, I have to say the element of this story I found most compelling was the flawed main character and narrator, Sidney Griffiths, himself. Sidney is a sensitive guy with big dreams, too sensitive we and he think, for some of the company he keeps, including his life long friend and companion Chip Jones, a hard edges, big mouthed and often crude character whose friends seem to tolerate him because he’s sometimes funny and also a great drummer. Too sensitive, we also think, when Sidney’s disappointments, sense of betrayal, and lurking mistrust of others ends up alienating him from them. It is his own frailty as a human being that ends up doing him the most harm, as he lashes out and behaves in less than admirable ways simply because of his own frustrated ambition, or desire. Sidney, however, and I have to think Esi did this quite consciously, seems a bit more ordinary that the other characters in the book. He is neither an eccentric nor a genius, nor terribly damaged, as it turns out, neither a coward nor a hero. It is this very ordinariness that makes him sympathetic, and helps us to step in his shoes as he and his friends are tossed about by the winds of fate.

Without spoiling the story for those who haven’t yet read it, I will only say that it raises several questions for me, such as: When should we acknowledge that our youthful dreams of greatness will never be realized? Perhaps we haven’t been given the talent, the determination or the luck to make it happen. Is it more important to do a thing exceptionally well, or to do a thing because it brings you joy? Is any sacrifice or choice justifiable in the pursuit of excellence? Of success? Even when it hurts others? When our life is over, will we value our accomplishments more, or the people with whom we shared the journey, for better or worse?

EXCELLENCE VERSUS JOY

Near the end of the novel, there is an exchange between Chip and Sid about whether and why they continued playing the jazz music throughout their lives. Sidney says, “It was supposed to be this joyful music. And I just couldn’t find none of that joy in it no more.” And Chip’s reply is interesting. He says, “I don’t understand that at all…The music is the joy. That’s how you find it again. By playing.”

In some ways, it seems to me that Sid deprived himself of the joyful music because of the pain and sense of loss and guilt he suffers, because of other decisions and actions he made in his life.

What do you think? Is it more important to do a thing exceptionally well, or to do a thing because it brings you joy?

by

Creating a Wasp-Free Summer Oasis

photo

SUMMER PROJECTS

One of the advantages of making landscape improvements in a rural area is that usually we don’t want or need to tame all of it the way we do with a city lot. It’s also more suitable to take a relaxed approach, so that from our deck chairs, we can sit back and appreciate the wild beauty beyond the boundaries of our territorial interests. Instead we carve out little usable outdoor rooms around the house and try to ameliorate their comfort and design with subtle, low maintenance improvements.

Furthermore around here we try to use as many found materials as possible and do most of the work ourselves. The Project underway at the moment is a long overdue little deck in a shady area between the fishpond and the fence which happens to be in shade from morning until mid afternoon. This is a huge boon on a hot and largely treeless property like ours, especially during a summer like we’re having this year. (Or maybe this is the new Mediterranean. We’ll see.)

This project required some cleaning of junk and hiding of concrete rubble from a demolished concrete block wall, a bit of grading to level the elevations, and removal of a few scrubby unwanted plants. For the main structural elements we decided to re-use a variety of 4 x 4 posts that were laying around the property including an old fence at the top of the driveway that had fallen over some years ago.

 

tarantula-hawk-wasp_24707_600x450

Photo from National Geographic

CONFLICT OF INTEREST
photoAll seemed to be going well until several members of the family started getting attacked by wasps. We discovered their nest in a crevice in the dry dirt immediately under the entry door to the garden shed which sits right beside our deck-to-be. Not a convenient location for cohabitation with stinging insects.
This set off a flurry of internet research about wasp varieties and their nests and how to get rid of them as well as how to treat their stings.

 

photo of goldfish and papyrus plants in a pondSHARING SPACE WITH WILDLIFE, OR NOT…
It turns out that wasps are highly beneficial to humans (e.g. by eating other nasty insects like mosquitos) and so destroying their nests is not a desirable thing to do, if you can avoid it. However since we’ve disturbed their peace we’ve had none of our own. They attack constantly and aggressively, invade every meal on the (other) deck and seem to be threatening the comfort and safety of our family.(Hubbie seems to have a slight allergy as his arm is red and swollen like a blimp for the second time this summer.) While we’re sad about it, unfortunately this nest had to go. After installing a few wasp traps to neutralize the remaining, rather cross survivors of this apocalypse, now we can get back to finishing that shady reading/meditation/sunset cocktails deck by the fish pond.

While I prepared a special concoction of sugar syrup, blackberry jam and dish soap for an old fashioned, fill-your-own wasp trap, Hubbie came home from the hardware store with Tanglefoot wasp traps (I think he had revenge on his  mind.) Anyway, I can tell you that in the first few hours, the score is Homemade Goo: 0, Tanglefoot Trap: 20+.

by

For the Love of Animals

KILLER IS ON DECK

We awoke this morning to find a scrawled note stuffed under the gate that separates the upper from the lower floors of our summer house. An advance warning, it read: “KILLER IS ON DECK”.

note: Killer is on the Deck, M A Clarke Scott, Writer, Blog post

Beware!

I’M PISSED

I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who would say I was crazy, but I spent the last couple of days dealing with the fallout of one of my cats, Zu, having pissed on the futon sofa at our cottage. Usually (here and at home) it’s on one of the beds. This is not something she does often, but often enough that we have resigned ourselves to covering the beds with a plastic sheet after they are made in the mornings. I have washed enough duvets and mattress covers to last two lifetimes! This new challenge was far worse. When I discovered her “faux pas” I groaned. Would we even be able to save it?

IMG_0806After an initial spray and scrub in the evening, the next day I peeled off the futon’s cotton cover and put it through the wash, then dragged the futon out onto the deck. After some discussion about which cleaners might be most effective, my sister suggested using her new steam cleaner. I thought this was a brilliant idea, as the hot steam would hopefully sterilize, deodorize and annihilate the residual cat piss that had soaked into the fluffy cotton filling. Well, that was the theory, anyway.

I steamed that spot for quite a long while, until all I could smell was clean wet cotton, and then left the futon to dry in the hot, hot sun all afternoon. Unfortunately, though it dried quickly, I felt I could still discern a slight odor. Very slight. Maybe it’s just in my head. But, rather than write off the futon, we replaced the clean cover and put it on upside down, so as to avoid a repeat performance if she detected a familiar smell.

IMG_0804

FELINE PSYCHOLOGY

Not that that is what motivates her. You see, she’s just a little temperamental. Certain things seem to upset her. Sometimes it’s the presence of a strange cat, which there has been a lot of lately. In the first instance, we are sharing the house with family, and although they have separate ‘zones’ our cats and their cousins are aware of each other and have occasional tense encounters. Secondly, there is a neighbour cat with some boundary issues, who insists on climbing the wisteria trellis and invading our house. She just seems to want to visit, but she’s surprisingly stubborn when we chase her away, and returns with fair frequency. If we use any of the usual “feline territorial” behaviors to scare her away, such as hissing, she turns and attacks quite aggressively. Thus her nickname: “Killer Cat” (ref. above note).

But what set Zu off this time was the arrival of my husband, whom she adores, who came to join us for the week. She got fairly excited, one would deduce. She has “issues” with suitcases, and “comings and goings.” These seem to be what sets her off the most, as we’ve had episodes before and after family holidays and business trips in the past. The rest of the time, she’s a lovely, affectionate, mellow cat, who is fairly needy as far as attention goes. She wakes us in the morning with a paw on the face, harasses us playfully if we oversleep, talks a blue streak through the day just to let us know what she’s thinking, and is always game for a hug and a kiss. Okay, a bit of a Prima Donna, really. But she loves us (we have proof!) And we all love her and her sister dearly. We would never for a moment consider getting rid of her.

A LIFETIME COMMITMENT

And yet I know there are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t hesitate to do so. Therefore, there are hundreds and thousands of abandoned pets in our communities, large numbers of whom have to be put down regularly because of abuse or space shortages, often for no greater crime than that they became an inconvenience for their humans. (Speaking of Prima Donnas) And trust me when I say that having a cat pee on your bed is INCONVENIENT. Still. She’s family. When I adopt an animal and bring it home, that’s it. I’m committed for life, no matter what happens. For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc. etc. ’til death do us part. It breaks my heart to see those animals with no homes, no  families and no hope. I want to adopt them all, but of course, we’ve got our hands full.

And I just want to point out that as a designer and an artist, I’m not immune to the appeal of a beautifully appointed home. I love good design, excellent craftsmanship and a well-appointed room as well as the next person. This is one of those things that I’ve just decided to accept. I chalk it up to the virtue “Renunciation” (See my previous post: Living with Chronic Pain). Although I think it’s supposed to refer to renunciation of sensuality, I toss everything to do with the material world into this same basket.

DSCN4809

Zu’s sister Patches. We can’t leave her out!

I adopted my first cat when I was just four years old. My sister (the same one) was walking me home from the local playground, down a little lane. And there, on a humble lean-to, was a sign that said “Free Kittens.” Inside, on a bed of hay, was a mother cat and her litter. A short time later we were heading home, a new black and white pibald kitten tucked into my sister’s shirt. We named her Alexandra, after the street where we found her, beginning a lifelong tradition of naming cats after streets (except for Zu and her sister Patches, but we had a 3-year old then) and a lifelong love affair with cats.

 

IRREPLACEABLE COMPANIONS

Portrait of Zu, photo credit, A Clarke Scott

I cannot imagine a house without a cat. It just wouldn’t be a home. I’ve always had at least one through most of my life, and find that I enjoy their company often more than humans. My cats greet me, delight me and make me feel loved and important no matter what else is happening in my life. They understand intuitively what I need. They entertain me when I’m bored or lonely, comfort me when I’m ill or stressed, console me when I’m sad. They understand, and they know just how to be there and exactly what to offer to make everything better. And it’s not just your imagination. There is now scientific evidence that shows that cats are good for your health. You’d be hard pressed to say that about most people. Or furniture. So, I’ll take the bad with the good. It’s an easy trade-off in my world.

by

Living with Chronic Pain

Practicing Forbearance

512px-Hatha_yoga_child_poseIt was too hot today to accomplish very much, including exercise or stretching. Since I’ve been having back trouble, I find that starting the day with a good dose of yoga, stretching and special exercises makes the likelihood of a relatively pain free and mobile day much more likely, although no guarantee. Consequently, today I didn’t do so well. I shuffled around, dragging one leg and did a few things, mostly trying to find a comfortable position to stand or sit in and spending the day talking about the projects we will do–someday, like pave a new terrace by the house, mulch the flowerbeds, build a deck by the pond, clean and organize the workshop, replace or beautify the shed. At one point I even dragged a measuring tape around and took down a few numbers on a very bad sketch. As a person who has always been full of ambition and energy, I’d much rather just DO the jobs than spend countless hours talking and planning. Some planning is always necessary, of course, but I’m much more inclined to jump in. I love the feeling of accomplishment.

I also wasn’t feeling inspired to blog. There just wasn’t very much in my head, beyond the heat and the jab of sharp pain in my spine.

So I thought this was a good time to talk about the NAME of my blog, i.e. Paramita. I can’t remember what I was researching a while back, something about Buddhism, and I found this definition on Wikipedia:

Paramita

Pāramitā (Pāli; Sanskrit; Devanagari: पारमिता) or pāramī (Pāli) is “perfection” or “completeness.”[1] In Buddhism, the pāramitās refer to the perfection or culmination of certain virtues. In Buddhism, these virtues are cultivated as a way of purification, purifying karma and helping the aspirant to live an unobstructed life, while reaching the goal of enlightenment.

In the Pāli canon’s Buddhavaṃsa[3] the Ten Perfections (dasa pāramiyo) are (original terms in Pāli):

1. Dāna pāramī : generosity, giving of oneself

2. Sīla pāramī : virtue, morality, proper conduct

3. Nekkhamma pāramī : renunciation

4. Paññā pāramī : transcendental wisdom, insight

5. Viriya (also spelled vīriya) pāramī : energy, diligence, vigour, effort

6. Khanti pāramī : patience, tolerance, forbearance, acceptance, endurance

7. Sacca pāramī : truthfulness, honesty

8. Adhiṭṭhāna (adhitthana) pāramī : determination, resolution

9. Mettā pāramī : loving-kindness

10. Upekkhā (also spelled upekhā) pāramī : equanimity, serenity

These seem to me to be pretty admirable goals to live by and ones that suit my current world view as I grow older. Clearly Number 5, energy and effort was not on the books. You’ll see that Number 6 is “Patience, Tolerance, Forbearance, Acceptance, Endurance.” So today I gave myself permission to work on this virtue.  It meant getting through the day without letting the frustration or anger surface. Just accepting that this was the kind of day I was going to have, and letting it be. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully a more productive one.

Do you live with chronic pain, or some other situation that requires the cultivation of forbearance? Pull up a chair and share.