Renunciation

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Corporal versus Cerebral Temptations

Come in, sit down, have a cup of tea. I want to tell you a story.

Truly, I tell you, I’ve been absconded by fairies this past three days, and taken on a fanciful journey. My body aches with fatigue, my head spins, my spirit soars, and my feet have not yet returned to the ground.

2Yesterday I felt I could not write a blogpost, I had nothing to say, I was bored with blogging, I did not care. But I realize that yesterday I was still in thrall, and only today am I able to tell you about it. But quickly before I fall asleep.

ARTIST STUDIOS

This past weekend brought yet another expression of the boundless creativity and rich cultural life that this small, rural island community contains – namely the annual Denman Island Artists Studio Tour. While there are more artists per capital on this small island than just about anywhere else in the country, just twenty or so are featured each year on the tour, and of these I spent part of the weekend visiting but a few.

While there are many talented painters, photographers, potters, sculptors, metal artists and quilters, etc. here, there are just two or three artists who’s medium and offerings stirred my soul and that I want to share with you. Firstly, Studio Angelika, where Angelika Saunders creates “mixed media collage with hand-made papers” as well as sculptural objects and handmade boxes, in a beautiful seaside cottage setting, using a variety of natural and found materials and objects was a revelation.

MAGICAL MIXED MEDIA

CYNTHIA MINDEN IMG_1451-4Angelika’s creativity is boundless, and her sensitivity to colour, texture and composition truly inspiring. On my own artistic journey, I have always been particularly drawn to mixed-media collage and assemblage sculpture.

In Angelika’s hands, fibres and scraps of nature that common mortals would walk past, such as dry twigs and the lacy skeletal remains of leaves, feathers, sea shells, stones and bits of rusty metal, become gems that find their way into her skillful compositions. She generously and enthusiastically demonstrated her paper-making technique when I expressed a particular interest, and I can hardly wait to get my hands on some tools and materials to try my hand at this fascinating craft, not to mention all the things one can do with the paper.

SPIRITUAL PLACE-MAKING

The second studio tour that moved me was Dragonfly Knoll Gallery, home of John Tallerino and Marc Randall who engage, respectively, in assemblage shrines and hand-made books. You’ll soon see the connection.

1 A at 6 highThe entire atmosphere at Dragonfly Knoll is serene and magical. These two spiritual gentlemen have created an entire world around their lovingly hand built home using recycled heritage windows and doors, romantic dormers, embracing porch upheld by gnarled tree trunks, a garden filled with insightfully placed shrines and objects of beauty and spirituality, from gongs made of rusted iron to wire, mesh and glass dragons in flight, to clockwork Steampunk-inspired chicken sculpture. Their studio, made up of several charming”rooms” along this corridor (my old architecture prof Brian MacKay-Lyons would have loved it), was one of the most comfortable, inspiring spaces I’ve ever felt. While I love John’s shrines, I fell in love even more with the place, made up of all these bits of evidence of the mindful, centred and inspired way that John and Marc live. It was Hobbit-like, in some ways, and a place I could imagine easily spending three hundred years, with never a moment bored or restless.

I was also very moved by Marc’s lovingly hand crafted books, with their hand-made papers (see the pattern?), whimsical embossed and hand dyed leather covers, carved and polished wood, and hand stitched bindings. I want to rush right out and take a workshop on hand-made books, and begin this exploratory creative journey myself. Somewhere in the muddled mix of hand-made paper and books, and mixed media collage is my own spirit scratching in its attempt to find expression.

INSPIRED STORYTELLING

What, you might ask, has any of this to do with loss of sleep? Well, in addition to touring artist studios over two days, and having my sensibilities and spirit carried away on a corporal plain, I spent almost every waking hour reading one of the most compelling novels I’ve read in a long time.

FlowersStorm_avoncovers_2nd_web-200x322I inadvertently discovered author Laura Kinsale last week through a Smart Bitches, Trashy Books review, and after sampling Nick Boulton’s delicious voice on samples of her audiobooks, I became intrigued by Laura’s storytelling and downloaded an e-book of Flowers from the Storm. Once I began this amazing, compelling tale, I literally could not put it down. At my age, all-night reading binges are not well-advised, and yet I watched the dawn light creep into my bedroom windows two of the past three nights as I turned page after page after page of this beautiful story.

The hero, Christian Langland, Duke of Jervaulx, suffers a cerebral hemorrhage, and his journey of suffering, madness and recovery, in stark contrast and complement to the spiritual struggle of the pious Quaker heroine, Archimedea Timms, makes this a one-of-a-kind love story.

I found Christian’s handicap with language fascinating, and as he emerges from the fog of his damaged brain, and expresses himself with increasingly complex vocabulary and sentence structure, Maddy and his close friends adjust and simplify their own speech to make themselves understood by him. At the same time, the tempo and rhythm of Laura Kinsale’s prose is deeply affected by this linguistic transformation so that we began to see and feel and breath in the stark, staccato, powerful jumbled poetic word arrangements of the hero, and this begins to feel normal. Better than normal, somehow. No ordinary historical romance this, an absorbing and compelling tale of human suffering and redemption, as well as a deeply moving love story that will stay with me forever.

While on the one hand I want to buy and read everything Laura Kinsale has written, a part of me wants to dwell in Christian and Maddy’s world for a while yet. And I’m left with an even greater dilemma, which is, should I spend my precious hours here on earth reading, writing or pursuing creative and spiritual expression in visual arts? There never seems to be enough time to do it all. And in the end, we still have to sleep.

Tell me what inspires or excites you. Do you have obsessions that keep you up all night? Are you a compulsive reader, or an artist that finds beauty in the ordinary world?

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Mental Illness: Coming to a Family Near You

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

Silver Linings Playbook poster

Last year when I took The Ring Screenwriting workshop, we were asked to view the newly released Silver Linings Playbook and come prepared to dissect and discuss it in class. I loved the movie. It was incredibly well written and directed, with a first class ensemble cast, as subsequent awards proved. But what I took away from it was something more. Something personal. And that is the way the film delves into the impact of mental illness on ordinary families in the ordinary world. I’m not talking about stalkers and serial killers (Basic Instinct, Silence of the Lambs), or eccentric heroic geniuses (Batman, Ironman anyone?). As much as we are fascinated by the extraordinary in society, I think the ordinary is just as engrossing.

MENTAL ILLNESS IS NORMAL

Mental Illness is not only normal, it’s far more widespread than we might like to admit. Think about it. Between Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety Disorders that include Eating Disorders, Phobias and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Autism, Addictions, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – and the many nuances and variations I haven’t mentioned – that’s a pretty big chunk of society, isn’t it? And a large proportion of that is undiagnosed. Just like Pat, the protagonist in Silver Linings Playbook, he “white-knucked it” on his own most of his life, until something happened, some extraordinarily stressful event triggered a breakdown. He snapped, and all hell broke loose.

I love these two scenes for illustrating just that point. Here is Pat’s BF Ronnie talking about how the stresses of life feel to him, and how he deals with it.It makes you wonder who’s the crazy one.(WARNING: These clips contain a bit of vulgar language.)

The Pressure

It’s My Therapy

In a SAG interview with screenwriter/director David O. Russell he talks about his son, and how this story appealed to him as a way of integrating and normalizing mental illness for his son. He doesn’t give any details of his son’s condition, but I can only assume that Russell is pretty sensitive to what it’s like to try to live a normal life, and to help a loved one lead a normal life, under these challenging circumstances. He specifically refers to how the main characters’ illness affects all the people around them.

AT WHAT COST?

How many families are impacted by mental health issues? Is yours? Mine is. Do you ever wonder what it’s like to experience dealing with alcoholism, depression, OCD and Bi-Polar disorder, on top of the normal challenges and stresses of life? Or do you already know. I’ve seen what any of those things can do to the family members who’s lives are affected. The spouses, the children, the parents. It sucks a lot of energy. It can bring you down.  It can derail a career or a marriage. It puts enourmous strain on relationships. It can spoil the holidays and make everyone afraid to speak, for fear of saying the wrong thing, of setting someone off, of doing harm. And so we hold it in. And it’s easy for the damage to spread. For family members to become enablers.

And when I saw the movie, this is what I thought about. Not only about the impact mental illness has on the lives of the people who suffer from one condition or another, but of the ripples of disruption that spread outward from the patient to their families, friends, coworkers and community. Pretty soon you see it’s an intricately woven blanket that spreads over us all. And often it’s not diagnosed at all, is poorly understood and  not supported.

One of my favourite scenes from the movie, not the diner scene with Jennifer Lawrence that you most often see, or any of the scenes which depict the two protagonists, the two “mental health” patients interacting with each other, but instead the interaction between the two brothers, Pat and Jake.

This was one of my favourite scenes in the film, because it shows so beautifully how the family of Pat is affected by his illness. Watch to see how they are all on tenterhooks during the exchange. It’s beautifully portrayed. It’s a testament to Pat’s recovery that Jake’s anxiety and general weirdness doesn’t push any of his buttons, and he rises above it.

I Got Nothin But Love For You Brother

Leave a comment and tell me, if you’ve seen the movie, which was your favourite scene and why? Can you relate to any of the characters in Silver Linings Playbook?

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Half-Blood Blues: Book Review

AUTHOR ESI EDUGYAN

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Earlier this month I had the pleasure of meeting Esi Edugyan, the author of Scotiabank Giller Prize winning Half-Blood Blues at the Denman Island Readers and Writers Festival, and to hear her read excerpts from her latest novel. At that time I had only just begun reading it, and as of last night, I am done. When we spoke, I asked her about the used of dialect in her book, which is populated by a mix of jazz musicians hailing from Baltimore, Chicago, New Orleans, Montreal, Germany and France. The use of the Baltimore”black” vernacular of narrator and protagonist Sidney Griffiths, in particular, as well as his motley crew of compatriots, is important because it contributes greatly to both the development of character, as well as to distinguish between one and another, and also plays a critical role in painting the mood and experience of that time and place: World War II Berlin and Paris. Several of the books reviewers, and several of the commenters at the conference, referred to the rhythm and tone of the language, and how it animated the story and lent it the musicality and feeling of the jazz music of the era. While I don’t disagree with this, and I very much enjoyed the language of the novel, this was not my main focus.

USE OF DIALECT IN FICTION

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As a writer, I was principally interested in how she had researched the dialects she used, and how, as a writer she had decided how much, and which elements, of vocabulary and syntax she decided to use and which to leave out. This is what I asked her about. She answered that she had sourced and listened to recordings of spoken word by contemporary jazz musicians, including Louis Armstrong who is a minor character featured in this novel. She also said she had to use a lot of discretion to find the right balance between illuminating character and culture, and keeping the language clear enough to not alienate or confuse readers.

I dealt extensively with this problem in one of my own books (The Aviary) which features a Canadian woman in Yorkshire, who is surrounded by characters who all have an accent of one kind or another (to her ear), and finds herself quite challenged by the famously difficult Yorkshire dialect. I have received a fair bit of feedback from editors and beta readers about this at various stages, and made many changes to try to find the right balance.

Esi agreed, stating that she believes it was the extensive use of dialect that initially made the novel difficult to sell, and she did make changes accordingly in response to her editor’s feedback. Certainly there are many examples of excellent novels that use dialect to varying degrees. I find it hard to believe that so many readers find it so impenetrable as to limit an author’s creative freedom (unless you happen to be Peter Carey, but even he gets flack, apparently). The sound of language is so important to one’s experience of a story, I would think those in the business, and those who love to immerse themselves in a good story, would be more flexible and tolerant, and willing to do that tiny bit of extra work that it takes to become familiar enough to overcome any initial challenges. But apparently not. Or not often enough for publishers to take the risk.

CHARACTER, EGO, AMBITION, FRIENDSHIP AND VALUES

As a reader, I have to say the element of this story I found most compelling was the flawed main character and narrator, Sidney Griffiths, himself. Sidney is a sensitive guy with big dreams, too sensitive we and he think, for some of the company he keeps, including his life long friend and companion Chip Jones, a hard edges, big mouthed and often crude character whose friends seem to tolerate him because he’s sometimes funny and also a great drummer. Too sensitive, we also think, when Sidney’s disappointments, sense of betrayal, and lurking mistrust of others ends up alienating him from them. It is his own frailty as a human being that ends up doing him the most harm, as he lashes out and behaves in less than admirable ways simply because of his own frustrated ambition, or desire. Sidney, however, and I have to think Esi did this quite consciously, seems a bit more ordinary that the other characters in the book. He is neither an eccentric nor a genius, nor terribly damaged, as it turns out, neither a coward nor a hero. It is this very ordinariness that makes him sympathetic, and helps us to step in his shoes as he and his friends are tossed about by the winds of fate.

Without spoiling the story for those who haven’t yet read it, I will only say that it raises several questions for me, such as: When should we acknowledge that our youthful dreams of greatness will never be realized? Perhaps we haven’t been given the talent, the determination or the luck to make it happen. Is it more important to do a thing exceptionally well, or to do a thing because it brings you joy? Is any sacrifice or choice justifiable in the pursuit of excellence? Of success? Even when it hurts others? When our life is over, will we value our accomplishments more, or the people with whom we shared the journey, for better or worse?

EXCELLENCE VERSUS JOY

Near the end of the novel, there is an exchange between Chip and Sid about whether and why they continued playing the jazz music throughout their lives. Sidney says, “It was supposed to be this joyful music. And I just couldn’t find none of that joy in it no more.” And Chip’s reply is interesting. He says, “I don’t understand that at all…The music is the joy. That’s how you find it again. By playing.”

In some ways, it seems to me that Sid deprived himself of the joyful music because of the pain and sense of loss and guilt he suffers, because of other decisions and actions he made in his life.

What do you think? Is it more important to do a thing exceptionally well, or to do a thing because it brings you joy?

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For the Love of Animals

KILLER IS ON DECK

We awoke this morning to find a scrawled note stuffed under the gate that separates the upper from the lower floors of our summer house. An advance warning, it read: “KILLER IS ON DECK”.

note: Killer is on the Deck, M A Clarke Scott, Writer, Blog post

Beware!

I’M PISSED

I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who would say I was crazy, but I spent the last couple of days dealing with the fallout of one of my cats, Zu, having pissed on the futon sofa at our cottage. Usually (here and at home) it’s on one of the beds. This is not something she does often, but often enough that we have resigned ourselves to covering the beds with a plastic sheet after they are made in the mornings. I have washed enough duvets and mattress covers to last two lifetimes! This new challenge was far worse. When I discovered her “faux pas” I groaned. Would we even be able to save it?

IMG_0806After an initial spray and scrub in the evening, the next day I peeled off the futon’s cotton cover and put it through the wash, then dragged the futon out onto the deck. After some discussion about which cleaners might be most effective, my sister suggested using her new steam cleaner. I thought this was a brilliant idea, as the hot steam would hopefully sterilize, deodorize and annihilate the residual cat piss that had soaked into the fluffy cotton filling. Well, that was the theory, anyway.

I steamed that spot for quite a long while, until all I could smell was clean wet cotton, and then left the futon to dry in the hot, hot sun all afternoon. Unfortunately, though it dried quickly, I felt I could still discern a slight odor. Very slight. Maybe it’s just in my head. But, rather than write off the futon, we replaced the clean cover and put it on upside down, so as to avoid a repeat performance if she detected a familiar smell.

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FELINE PSYCHOLOGY

Not that that is what motivates her. You see, she’s just a little temperamental. Certain things seem to upset her. Sometimes it’s the presence of a strange cat, which there has been a lot of lately. In the first instance, we are sharing the house with family, and although they have separate ‘zones’ our cats and their cousins are aware of each other and have occasional tense encounters. Secondly, there is a neighbour cat with some boundary issues, who insists on climbing the wisteria trellis and invading our house. She just seems to want to visit, but she’s surprisingly stubborn when we chase her away, and returns with fair frequency. If we use any of the usual “feline territorial” behaviors to scare her away, such as hissing, she turns and attacks quite aggressively. Thus her nickname: “Killer Cat” (ref. above note).

But what set Zu off this time was the arrival of my husband, whom she adores, who came to join us for the week. She got fairly excited, one would deduce. She has “issues” with suitcases, and “comings and goings.” These seem to be what sets her off the most, as we’ve had episodes before and after family holidays and business trips in the past. The rest of the time, she’s a lovely, affectionate, mellow cat, who is fairly needy as far as attention goes. She wakes us in the morning with a paw on the face, harasses us playfully if we oversleep, talks a blue streak through the day just to let us know what she’s thinking, and is always game for a hug and a kiss. Okay, a bit of a Prima Donna, really. But she loves us (we have proof!) And we all love her and her sister dearly. We would never for a moment consider getting rid of her.

A LIFETIME COMMITMENT

And yet I know there are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t hesitate to do so. Therefore, there are hundreds and thousands of abandoned pets in our communities, large numbers of whom have to be put down regularly because of abuse or space shortages, often for no greater crime than that they became an inconvenience for their humans. (Speaking of Prima Donnas) And trust me when I say that having a cat pee on your bed is INCONVENIENT. Still. She’s family. When I adopt an animal and bring it home, that’s it. I’m committed for life, no matter what happens. For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc. etc. ’til death do us part. It breaks my heart to see those animals with no homes, no  families and no hope. I want to adopt them all, but of course, we’ve got our hands full.

And I just want to point out that as a designer and an artist, I’m not immune to the appeal of a beautifully appointed home. I love good design, excellent craftsmanship and a well-appointed room as well as the next person. This is one of those things that I’ve just decided to accept. I chalk it up to the virtue “Renunciation” (See my previous post: Living with Chronic Pain). Although I think it’s supposed to refer to renunciation of sensuality, I toss everything to do with the material world into this same basket.

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Zu’s sister Patches. We can’t leave her out!

I adopted my first cat when I was just four years old. My sister (the same one) was walking me home from the local playground, down a little lane. And there, on a humble lean-to, was a sign that said “Free Kittens.” Inside, on a bed of hay, was a mother cat and her litter. A short time later we were heading home, a new black and white pibald kitten tucked into my sister’s shirt. We named her Alexandra, after the street where we found her, beginning a lifelong tradition of naming cats after streets (except for Zu and her sister Patches, but we had a 3-year old then) and a lifelong love affair with cats.

 

IRREPLACEABLE COMPANIONS

Portrait of Zu, photo credit, A Clarke Scott

I cannot imagine a house without a cat. It just wouldn’t be a home. I’ve always had at least one through most of my life, and find that I enjoy their company often more than humans. My cats greet me, delight me and make me feel loved and important no matter what else is happening in my life. They understand intuitively what I need. They entertain me when I’m bored or lonely, comfort me when I’m ill or stressed, console me when I’m sad. They understand, and they know just how to be there and exactly what to offer to make everything better. And it’s not just your imagination. There is now scientific evidence that shows that cats are good for your health. You’d be hard pressed to say that about most people. Or furniture. So, I’ll take the bad with the good. It’s an easy trade-off in my world.