Mental Illness: Coming to a Family Near You

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

Silver Linings Playbook poster

Last year when I took The Ring Screenwriting workshop, we were asked to view the newly released Silver Linings Playbook and come prepared to dissect and discuss it in class. I loved the movie. It was incredibly well written and directed, with a first class ensemble cast, as subsequent awards proved. But what I took away from it was something more. Something personal. And that is the way the film delves into the impact of mental illness on ordinary families in the ordinary world. I’m not talking about stalkers and serial killers (Basic Instinct, Silence of the Lambs), or eccentric heroic geniuses (Batman, Ironman anyone?). As much as we are fascinated by the extraordinary in society, I think the ordinary is just as engrossing.

MENTAL ILLNESS IS NORMAL

Mental Illness is not only normal, it’s far more widespread than we might like to admit. Think about it. Between Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety Disorders that include Eating Disorders, Phobias and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Autism, Addictions, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – and the many nuances and variations I haven’t mentioned – that’s a pretty big chunk of society, isn’t it? And a large proportion of that is undiagnosed. Just like Pat, the protagonist in Silver Linings Playbook, he “white-knucked it” on his own most of his life, until something happened, some extraordinarily stressful event triggered a breakdown. He snapped, and all hell broke loose.

I love these two scenes for illustrating just that point. Here is Pat’s BF Ronnie talking about how the stresses of life feel to him, and how he deals with it.It makes you wonder who’s the crazy one.(WARNING: These clips contain a bit of vulgar language.)

The Pressure

It’s My Therapy

In a SAG interview with screenwriter/director David O. Russell he talks about his son, and how this story appealed to him as a way of integrating and normalizing mental illness for his son. He doesn’t give any details of his son’s condition, but I can only assume that Russell is pretty sensitive to what it’s like to try to live a normal life, and to help a loved one lead a normal life, under these challenging circumstances. He specifically refers to how the main characters’ illness affects all the people around them.

AT WHAT COST?

How many families are impacted by mental health issues? Is yours? Mine is. Do you ever wonder what it’s like to experience dealing with alcoholism, depression, OCD and Bi-Polar disorder, on top of the normal challenges and stresses of life? Or do you already know. I’ve seen what any of those things can do to the family members who’s lives are affected. The spouses, the children, the parents. It sucks a lot of energy. It can bring you down.  It can derail a career or a marriage. It puts enourmous strain on relationships. It can spoil the holidays and make everyone afraid to speak, for fear of saying the wrong thing, of setting someone off, of doing harm. And so we hold it in. And it’s easy for the damage to spread. For family members to become enablers.

And when I saw the movie, this is what I thought about. Not only about the impact mental illness has on the lives of the people who suffer from one condition or another, but of the ripples of disruption that spread outward from the patient to their families, friends, coworkers and community. Pretty soon you see it’s an intricately woven blanket that spreads over us all. And often it’s not diagnosed at all, is poorly understood and  not supported.

One of my favourite scenes from the movie, not the diner scene with Jennifer Lawrence that you most often see, or any of the scenes which depict the two protagonists, the two “mental health” patients interacting with each other, but instead the interaction between the two brothers, Pat and Jake.

This was one of my favourite scenes in the film, because it shows so beautifully how the family of Pat is affected by his illness. Watch to see how they are all on tenterhooks during the exchange. It’s beautifully portrayed. It’s a testament to Pat’s recovery that Jake’s anxiety and general weirdness doesn’t push any of his buttons, and he rises above it.

I Got Nothin But Love For You Brother

Leave a comment and tell me, if you’ve seen the movie, which was your favourite scene and why? Can you relate to any of the characters in Silver Linings Playbook?

For the Love of Animals

KILLER IS ON DECK

We awoke this morning to find a scrawled note stuffed under the gate that separates the upper from the lower floors of our summer house. An advance warning, it read: “KILLER IS ON DECK”.

note: Killer is on the Deck, M A Clarke Scott, Writer, Blog post

Beware!

I’M PISSED

I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who would say I was crazy, but I spent the last couple of days dealing with the fallout of one of my cats, Zu, having pissed on the futon sofa at our cottage. Usually (here and at home) it’s on one of the beds. This is not something she does often, but often enough that we have resigned ourselves to covering the beds with a plastic sheet after they are made in the mornings. I have washed enough duvets and mattress covers to last two lifetimes! This new challenge was far worse. When I discovered her “faux pas” I groaned. Would we even be able to save it?

IMG_0806After an initial spray and scrub in the evening, the next day I peeled off the futon’s cotton cover and put it through the wash, then dragged the futon out onto the deck. After some discussion about which cleaners might be most effective, my sister suggested using her new steam cleaner. I thought this was a brilliant idea, as the hot steam would hopefully sterilize, deodorize and annihilate the residual cat piss that had soaked into the fluffy cotton filling. Well, that was the theory, anyway.

I steamed that spot for quite a long while, until all I could smell was clean wet cotton, and then left the futon to dry in the hot, hot sun all afternoon. Unfortunately, though it dried quickly, I felt I could still discern a slight odor. Very slight. Maybe it’s just in my head. But, rather than write off the futon, we replaced the clean cover and put it on upside down, so as to avoid a repeat performance if she detected a familiar smell.

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FELINE PSYCHOLOGY

Not that that is what motivates her. You see, she’s just a little temperamental. Certain things seem to upset her. Sometimes it’s the presence of a strange cat, which there has been a lot of lately. In the first instance, we are sharing the house with family, and although they have separate ‘zones’ our cats and their cousins are aware of each other and have occasional tense encounters. Secondly, there is a neighbour cat with some boundary issues, who insists on climbing the wisteria trellis and invading our house. She just seems to want to visit, but she’s surprisingly stubborn when we chase her away, and returns with fair frequency. If we use any of the usual “feline territorial” behaviors to scare her away, such as hissing, she turns and attacks quite aggressively. Thus her nickname: “Killer Cat” (ref. above note).

But what set Zu off this time was the arrival of my husband, whom she adores, who came to join us for the week. She got fairly excited, one would deduce. She has “issues” with suitcases, and “comings and goings.” These seem to be what sets her off the most, as we’ve had episodes before and after family holidays and business trips in the past. The rest of the time, she’s a lovely, affectionate, mellow cat, who is fairly needy as far as attention goes. She wakes us in the morning with a paw on the face, harasses us playfully if we oversleep, talks a blue streak through the day just to let us know what she’s thinking, and is always game for a hug and a kiss. Okay, a bit of a Prima Donna, really. But she loves us (we have proof!) And we all love her and her sister dearly. We would never for a moment consider getting rid of her.

A LIFETIME COMMITMENT

And yet I know there are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t hesitate to do so. Therefore, there are hundreds and thousands of abandoned pets in our communities, large numbers of whom have to be put down regularly because of abuse or space shortages, often for no greater crime than that they became an inconvenience for their humans. (Speaking of Prima Donnas) And trust me when I say that having a cat pee on your bed is INCONVENIENT. Still. She’s family. When I adopt an animal and bring it home, that’s it. I’m committed for life, no matter what happens. For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc. etc. ’til death do us part. It breaks my heart to see those animals with no homes, no  families and no hope. I want to adopt them all, but of course, we’ve got our hands full.

And I just want to point out that as a designer and an artist, I’m not immune to the appeal of a beautifully appointed home. I love good design, excellent craftsmanship and a well-appointed room as well as the next person. This is one of those things that I’ve just decided to accept. I chalk it up to the virtue “Renunciation” (See my previous post: Living with Chronic Pain). Although I think it’s supposed to refer to renunciation of sensuality, I toss everything to do with the material world into this same basket.

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Zu’s sister Patches. We can’t leave her out!

I adopted my first cat when I was just four years old. My sister (the same one) was walking me home from the local playground, down a little lane. And there, on a humble lean-to, was a sign that said “Free Kittens.” Inside, on a bed of hay, was a mother cat and her litter. A short time later we were heading home, a new black and white pibald kitten tucked into my sister’s shirt. We named her Alexandra, after the street where we found her, beginning a lifelong tradition of naming cats after streets (except for Zu and her sister Patches, but we had a 3-year old then) and a lifelong love affair with cats.

 

IRREPLACEABLE COMPANIONS

Portrait of Zu, photo credit, A Clarke Scott

I cannot imagine a house without a cat. It just wouldn’t be a home. I’ve always had at least one through most of my life, and find that I enjoy their company often more than humans. My cats greet me, delight me and make me feel loved and important no matter what else is happening in my life. They understand intuitively what I need. They entertain me when I’m bored or lonely, comfort me when I’m ill or stressed, console me when I’m sad. They understand, and they know just how to be there and exactly what to offer to make everything better. And it’s not just your imagination. There is now scientific evidence that shows that cats are good for your health. You’d be hard pressed to say that about most people. Or furniture. So, I’ll take the bad with the good. It’s an easy trade-off in my world.

Living with Chronic Pain

Practicing Forbearance

512px-Hatha_yoga_child_poseIt was too hot today to accomplish very much, including exercise or stretching. Since I’ve been having back trouble, I find that starting the day with a good dose of yoga, stretching and special exercises makes the likelihood of a relatively pain free and mobile day much more likely, although no guarantee. Consequently, today I didn’t do so well. I shuffled around, dragging one leg and did a few things, mostly trying to find a comfortable position to stand or sit in and spending the day talking about the projects we will do–someday, like pave a new terrace by the house, mulch the flowerbeds, build a deck by the pond, clean and organize the workshop, replace or beautify the shed. At one point I even dragged a measuring tape around and took down a few numbers on a very bad sketch. As a person who has always been full of ambition and energy, I’d much rather just DO the jobs than spend countless hours talking and planning. Some planning is always necessary, of course, but I’m much more inclined to jump in. I love the feeling of accomplishment.

I also wasn’t feeling inspired to blog. There just wasn’t very much in my head, beyond the heat and the jab of sharp pain in my spine.

So I thought this was a good time to talk about the NAME of my blog, i.e. Paramita. I can’t remember what I was researching a while back, something about Buddhism, and I found this definition on Wikipedia:

Paramita

Pāramitā (Pāli; Sanskrit; Devanagari: पारमिता) or pāramī (Pāli) is “perfection” or “completeness.”[1] In Buddhism, the pāramitās refer to the perfection or culmination of certain virtues. In Buddhism, these virtues are cultivated as a way of purification, purifying karma and helping the aspirant to live an unobstructed life, while reaching the goal of enlightenment.

In the Pāli canon’s Buddhavaṃsa[3] the Ten Perfections (dasa pāramiyo) are (original terms in Pāli):

1. Dāna pāramī : generosity, giving of oneself

2. Sīla pāramī : virtue, morality, proper conduct

3. Nekkhamma pāramī : renunciation

4. Paññā pāramī : transcendental wisdom, insight

5. Viriya (also spelled vīriya) pāramī : energy, diligence, vigour, effort

6. Khanti pāramī : patience, tolerance, forbearance, acceptance, endurance

7. Sacca pāramī : truthfulness, honesty

8. Adhiṭṭhāna (adhitthana) pāramī : determination, resolution

9. Mettā pāramī : loving-kindness

10. Upekkhā (also spelled upekhā) pāramī : equanimity, serenity

These seem to me to be pretty admirable goals to live by and ones that suit my current world view as I grow older. Clearly Number 5, energy and effort was not on the books. You’ll see that Number 6 is “Patience, Tolerance, Forbearance, Acceptance, Endurance.” So today I gave myself permission to work on this virtue.  It meant getting through the day without letting the frustration or anger surface. Just accepting that this was the kind of day I was going to have, and letting it be. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully a more productive one.

Do you live with chronic pain, or some other situation that requires the cultivation of forbearance? Pull up a chair and share.